last night i was watching that led zeppelin concert (and beyond) movie "the song remains the same" on tv. i was pretty into it for several reasons, one being because i've never really seen extended concert footage of them before and, you know, they're pretty good. two being that the "and beyond" part of the movie is fucking hilarious- if you haven't seen it, it's them acting out dramatizations of some of their songs, and you know their songs are always about norse gods and the lord of the rings and knights and castles and shit- it's pretty high quality, lots of costumes and horses and candles and meadows and ships and maidens, even some slow motion bats in flight. and the third being that "this is spinal tap" was always funny, but now i see how fucking spot on it is. wow. i mean, i'm no stranger to the 70's "rock legend" concert films and all of the pompousness that they entail. i've seen pink floyd live at pompeii about a zillion times (david gilmour was such a fox) but parts of this led zep jawn seemed to have been parlayed into the hilarity that is spinal tap without any alteration at all. although, i don't know, maybe there was a lot of direct copying in that movie and i just don't know enough about the aging rock band concert film genre to get all the direct references, i mean ST's drummer is clearly nick mason. nyah. well, anyway. i'm watching this movie and i'm watching robert plant acting like some rock and roll sex god, all swagger and golden mane and bare chest and sweat and tight jeans and prominent cock bulge and moaning and you know, how he is. and the camera keeps cutting to these babes in the audience who are understandably eyeing him up like he was a bucket of crisp, tender fried chicken and they hadn't eaten in years. from a distance with that curly hair covering his face and a microphone covering his mouth and that stage persona, fuck yeah, it's an easy point of view. however, later in the film there is some footage of him backstage just shooting the shit with roadies or whatever and little robbie is talking and HOLY SHIT! his teeth are putrid. seriously, run a google image search on him, dude's mouth is always closed and rightly so. those things are jacked the fuck up. like, not even just crooked- which they are. and not even just missing a few- which he is. but also this thick brownish greenish yellowish color and presumably a sort of soft and gritty texture. just gnarly. i could immediately see flies buzzing around his mouth as he spoke. now, i'm not 100% sure the flies were actually there, but they were. this made me start to wonder about those women in the audience. you know that most of them were scratch-out-their-own eyeballs-
dying to get back stage to go fuck the shit out of him, and you know that some of them actually got the opportunity to do so. and yeah, his face was never really all that, and i'm sure many of these ladies knew this going into things. whatever, less-than-handsome men often have better and more appealing attributes, a so-so face is not necessarily a big sex deterrent. however, i bet that every once in a while he would get some little eager beaver babe back there for a post-show fucking and she'd get up close to him without that mic in the way and he'd open his mouth to say something to her (probably something cocky and obnoxious) and she'd see those nasty shitpearl teeth of his and her starry eyes would bug the fuck out and she'd just take a quick step backward with a horrified look on her face- the look of all her youthful fantasies crumbling before her- and she'd slowly shake her head 'no' as she backed out of the room and then once she hit the exit she'd start sobbing and run like hell, the way the chick at the end of the original 'texas chainsaw massacre' did. yeah. and that's exactly how bitches get into smooth jazz.
-creammunication breakdown
