Alienation From My Body: A 3 Part In-Depth Look

Part Two: The Second Adolescence I Seem to be Experiencing


this is gonna sound strange, maybe even this will make things awkward between you and i, but my tits are getting inexplicably larger. i asked for a boon but this is not what i meant.



stunner, is that shit you're sprinkling on my head in my sleep when you visit me at nightie night time like the cream advertised in the back of teen magazine?

kingshitkrash confirms that this is real. i used to be a one scoop girl! with sprinkles, maybe. this is an obscene joke from some fickle little godhead.


(i know what you're thinking but i'm not pregnant. i have the anti-baby ring of mordor up my cooch, keep it secret, keep it safe).

once, there was this guy, in vancouver, who drew a caricature sort of picture of me and kev, his brother, sean, and lady, kerry. he gave kerry and me huge breasts. i think maybe now that it was a spell! dammit, where is that picture!? i need to burn it.
i made fun of him about it, and now i'm getting payback right in the tits!
bet he was some sort of gypsy king. with reverse dorian grey power. like maybe if i could find that picture, i'd see cartoon allison's tits getting smaller.
chintzy little bastard! why couldn't you make my head larger so i could just look at people and raise my eyebrow and they'd know i was outsmarting them even as they breathe their first stuttered gasp of awe.

dammit to crap.

big tits could inhibit my signature martial arts move "the honeybee". oops, cat's out of the bag.
well i guess it would be alright if it weren't completely fucking odd. maybe i just began receiving some sort of nutrition i've been deprived of my whole life. i eat a lot of avacados out here in california. i hear they're full of "good fat". oh my god! my tits are made of avacados.
also perplexing is that i haven't gained any weight. in fact, i seem to have lost some. so maybe the boobs are taking over some other part of my body and converting something important into booblump.
this week is weird. new boobs are weird.

like when i got a new tongue. that was weird too. i ate all these sour patch kids, sucked on them actually, and spit them out after. anyway, my tongue peeled to reveal a new slightly better underneath tongue. that was years ago, but that was the last time my body alienated me like this.
it was smoother, more dexterous, and had slightly better taste accuracy when tested with blindfold method.


maybe my new breasts will have more skill too. like maybe they will give me better balance, what with my killer brazilian samba-doing ass and all. i wonder what new body part i will receive next, my gosh this whole crazy week.

jope gets to cali in two seconds! gotta shower.
-dr. honey, exotic dancer m.d.