my sister, the jew lover: part 1 hell and gone from cartagena

my sister, loren, the one for which i have a shoulder tattoo, is someone i could talk about for hours. she's done so many ridiculously wonderful things, she's told so many bad jokes, she's been out there achieving and believing for so long, she's really like an old friend. the oldest friend. the oldest friend that i know the strangest dirt on.
right now, she's in guatemala. she...went there to learn spanish but i'm not sure she's actually taking any classes on that. i'm pretty sure she'll come home with a sweet guatemalan accent at least. which can only make her more endearing, obviously.

here's what she had to say:

yes a bus ride in the rain through guate city and the only seat available was just behind the busted open back door

so it was very exhilarating and damp

then it went from sprinkling to pouring

and i actually thought about romancing the stone

then line that michael douglas gives kathleen turner right after they meet up and thunder rumbles

something like, '...and everything i own is gonna be wet in about 5 minutes, lady'

shit, everything I owned was gonna be too.

so i rummaged through my backpack a little precariously, trying not to fall out the door in the process, so grateful i'd packed the garbage bag near the top, and yanked it out. i pulled it over my bag and poked holes through so i could use the straps.

(mind you, i was the only gringa on this cheap bus and i had to rely on the family sitting behind me to mime when i'd reached my stop. they were lovely- two little girls, the older of whom was reciting her homework to her mother. all of them tried their best to help me).

when they signaled, i forced my way off the bus to treck about 5 blocks to where i thought the antigua bus stop was, but ended up one block short (cursed lonely planet maps!) and eventually relinquished my search because i was drenched (save for the upper area my raincoat shell covered- at least my sneaks got a good washing) and everyone looked at me like i was hell and gone from the antigua bus when i asked in broken spanish and mime. so i took a taxi for about a 5 minute ride, and i'm almost certain the driver told me to just walk one block further before he took me in, but he was sweet and dutifully brought me to the terminal. i'm told i was charged a reasonable rate for the duration of the ride, however unnecessary it may have been.

antigua feels like paris, lined completely with cobblestone.

i slept like a rock last night (for nine hours) in an adorable room with its own 'bathroom', that epitomizes the idea of a water closet. there's hot and cold water, but not simultaneously, which necessitates that my showering be skillful and inevitably end intensely. all for about $8 per night. i took a lot of pictures of my room because i was too shy to whip out my camera outside. yet.

i will climb a volcano tomorrow at 6 am. yikes.


romancing the stone is a great movie. we were iming for a bit or gchatting i guess is more accurate and i was all como estas ren? and she was all 'please no more spanish' and i was all 'TOTAL IMMERSION BITCH'.

before she left she'd joined an online dating service called J-Date. for jewish people. she doesn't do myspace or blog because she's kind of awesome like that, like has a real life and stuff, but she signed up for jdate. the thing is...we're not jewish. not technically. 1/2 on the wrong side of the mitochondrial heritage. we're jewey, at best.

she showed us a picture of a guy she might date. he really really looked like a serial killer. but my sister is a smart little cookie and was convinced that he just had bad teeth and didn't want to smile. but i mean still.

she was really nervous about her first j-date and i was like, "seriously? really? because you're a really cute girl and you're smart....has anyone you were interested in ever, i mean ever, not wanted to date you?" and she goes "hmmm. no, now that you mention it".

so anyway, knowing she was going to guatemala, she cancelled her jdate subscription.
the conversation went something like this:
d: hello!!!! this is david!!!!! here at j-date!!!!! how are you today!!!!
loren: hello. i need to cancel my subscription.
d: how terrible!!!! why??????!
loren: well. i'm leaving the country.
d: can i ask where you are going?
loren: guatemala.
d: we have j-date in guatemala!!!!!! problem solved!!!!!!!
loren: no.